Czechs Set New World Records
Last week, Austrian daredevil Felix Baumgartner captured the world's attention with his record-setting jump from a hot air balloon 38 kilometers above the Earth, during which he also became the first person to break the sound barrier using only his body.
While it truly was impressive, Baumgartner's jump unfortunately stole the media spotlight away from the achievements of several Czech citizens who also recently succeeded in breaking a number of other major world records.
Following are brief reports on these individuals and their exceptional accomplishments. We regret that no video recordings of their feats are available.
ZdeněkPapež, Prague
Record: Slowest crossing of Nusle Bridge by car
Although some called him insane, this brave commuter attempted to traverse this notorious Prague construction in the South-North direction at approximately 8:30 a.m. on a Monday morning. Upon entering the bridge from the May 5th highway, Papež suddenly found himself traveling at extraordinary speeds of from 0 to 0.5 kph. Half-an-hour later, as it looked as if he as about to reach Legerová Street on the other side of the bridge and thus miss his chance at the record, a black Audi sedan attempted to cut in front of him, scraping his left fender and requiring a two-hour wait for the police. Papež proudly credited his rigorous pre-event training for the fact that he was able to withstand not urinating for more than three hours.
Olga Horáková, Ostrava
Record: Longest time spent deciding which brand of toilet paper to buy
This 84-year-old grandmother entered the record books when she spent more than 25 minutes comparing the prices of various packages of toilet paper in her local hypermarket. Tragically, she had no chance to savor her triumph, because just as she had finally narrowed down her choice to between a 24-pack of Big Soft 400 and a 36-pack of Tento Maxi, she passed away. It was an heroic effort by a true champion who will be missed.
Jan Jaroš, Olomouc
Record: Most unsuccessful voter
No voter likes to see the candidate he or she has chosen to support end up losing the election. And no voter in post-communist Central and Eastern Europe has had to deal with more disappointment than Jan Jaroš. Since 1990, he has consistently backed the losing horse in every major election – voting for ČSSD in 1990 and 1992, for ODS in 1998 and 2002, and for ČSSD in 2006 and 2010. Not surprisingly, in the recent Senate and regional elections, he once again threw his full support behind ODS.
Zora Hermochová, Zlín
Record: Most overly-complicated excuse for not visiting parents
In a stunning display of prevarication, this inventive young woman told her parents that she was unable to join them at their cottage for the weekend because she wasn't feeling well, her car wouldn't start, her cell phone had run out of credit, her cat was afraid to be left alone, and her boss had given her some extra work to finish by Monday. Unfortunately for Zora, her parents replied that, in that case, they would come and spend the weekend at her apartment with her.
Irena Špasová and Zuzana Španhelová, Hradec Králové
Record: Greatest number of text messages exchanged just to arrange a meeting
These two teenagers shattered all previous records when they managed to exchange a total of 32 text messages between each other solely for the purpose of agreeing on where and when they should meet each other later that day. Whereas other less text-dedicated people might simply have called the other person to settle the matter verbally in a few seconds, these two young SMS-lovers together tapped out more than 600 characters in order to arrive at the shared decision that they should meet at their local sweet shop at 4:00 p.m.
Iveta Bartošová, Praha
Record: Most comebacks
You are surely already familiar with this story.
Trams No. 5 and 26, Prague
Record: Weirdest tram route
The Prague Public Transportation Authority made history last month when it introduced facinating new routes for these two trams, each of which now stops at Flora and several other places in Žižkov, but only when traveling in one direction, and each of them in the opposite one. Commuters have been both awestruck and mystified by the changes and can now often be seen looking out the windows of the trams at Olšanské náměstí with expressions of horror and panic on their faces as they suddenly realize they are headed in the wrong direction.
Congratulations to all these new record holders! Your nation is proud of you.
